


Tattered, Frayed

by Zillabird



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Acephobia, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Other, Platonic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, arophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 05:53:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12248313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zillabird/pseuds/Zillabird
Summary: Jason’s soulmate mark has to be a mistake. He doesn’t want to fall in love; he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. While the world rushes in search of The One, Jason longs to settle into his life without romance. Then Dick shows up with his smile and his charm and his perfectly matching soulmate mark to the one on Jason’s wrist. Jason doesn’t know how to tell Dick that he can’t be in love with the man, that somehow the universe made a mistake. The lies are getting bigger and Dick’s heart is on the line, Jason is going to have to tell the truth.





	Tattered, Frayed

**Author's Note:**

> A few things before you read.
> 
> First, I am by no means an expert on asexuality and aromanticism and my experiences do not speak for everyone else or even /anyone/ else that identifies with those labels. I hope that this might resonate with your experiences the way it did with mine, but if it doesn't please keep criticism to a minimum in respect to that element. Your experiences may differ but that doesn't make my experiences any less valid.
> 
> Second, this fic is tagged with the typically romantic/sexual pairing tag "dick grayson/jason todd". I remain steadfast that this fic does NOT contain Jason and Dick in a romantic or sexual relationship. Despite this, however, they are soulmates and because of that I thought it deserved the "/" tag. I also tagged appropriately with the "&" tag. If one or the other feels more appropriate, acknowledge so. This felt like the best way to tag for this fic in my personal opinion.
> 
> Third, I labored over whether or not to actually go through with posting this. I wavered because I was unsure whether or not this was even something that anyone would be interested in. That being said, a special shoutout to the discord and its members of both Jaydick and Jaydickweek who encouraged me to write this and continued brainstorming with me despite my doubts. You are probably the main reason that this fic exists.
> 
> With all of that being said, thank you for reading. This was a ton of fun to write. Here consists of my JayDickWeek fill for Day Two, Soulmate AU and Confession Under Fire.

Jason dropped his backpack on the floor as he examined the flyer he’d put up a week ago. None of the If Interested Call pieces were ripped off. Half of it was covered by a big pink flyer, hearts around the advertisement for Match-Marking services. Jason clenched his jaw, ripping off the advertisement blocking his search for a roommate.

“If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were suddenly very passionate about finding the love of your life,” Roy said, stepping up beside him. Jason didn’t respond. “Fortunately, I _do_ know you better.”

Jason threw the balled up flyer into the nearby trashcan.

“The search for a new roommate not going too well I take it?” Roy asked. When Jason only continued to remain silent, Roy sighed. “I’m sorry, Jason.”

“Don’t be,” Jason said, finally. He dragged a hand through his hair. “It’s not your fault. You found Kori, it’s only natural that you’d want to move in with your soulmate. I’m not angry, I’m not even upset.” Maybe a little disappointment but Jason wasn’t going to make Roy feel worse by saying that out loud.

“It was short notice,” Roy said.

“It was two months,” Jason replied. “I was just busy with school and put it off until the last minute.” That wasn’t entirely true. While school did keep Jason busy, it was hardly as monopolizing as Jason had just made it out to be. He’d simply put the search off. He and Roy had been roommates in college since freshman year. They’d gotten wasted for the first time together, cursed professors together, shared pizza together. Then, towards the end of last year, Koriand’r had transferred in. A foreign exchange student that every man and woman in a hundred mile radius seemed to try and compare soulmate marks with.

Of course, Kori’s mark matched Jason’s roommate.

Jason’s hand rubbed his wrist. The raised lines of the intricate design there were a painful reminder of a reality that Jason didn’t want to admit. Somewhere out there, Jason had a soulmate waiting for him.

The thought made his stomach roll.

“What are you here for anyways?” Jason asked, letting his hand fall to the side.

“You mean other than the lukewarm cafeteria food?” Roy asked. “Kori said she text you but you didn’t respond.”

Jason didn’t look at Roy. He didn’t want Roy to see the guilt there. “I’ve been busy.”

“I figured,” Roy said. “She wants to get to know you better. I think maybe that would help things.” Jason didn’t respond. “She asked me to invite you with her. I told her you could be a bit of a work out junkie and she has a class at the university gym.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Roy-“

“Kori can kick some serious ass, Jason,” Roy said. “She can keep up with you. She can probably best you. Go to the class. For me.”

“That’s low,” Jason muttered.

“I know that if you just spent a moment with her, you’d like her,” Roy said. “Please.”

“Fine,” Jason said. “One of these classes. Just one.”

“Thank you, Jay,” Roy said. “It means a lot to me.”

“Yeah,” Jason said. He slugged Roy’s arm, making the man rub where he punched. “Keep an eye out for a roommate for me, okay?”

“Sure,” Roy said.

~~~

A piece of folded notebook paper fluttered onto the corner of Jason’s desk. Jason reached out, using his thumb to open it, and found the smooth scrawl of a woman’s handwriting. Juliette O’Brien. 609-555-0424. Jason’s eyes lifted slowly and the redhead, Juliette he would have to presume, waved at him before walking away. She swung her hips, joining another woman waiting. Jason watched them walk out of class and then glanced down at the phone number in his hand again.

He crumpled it up in his hand and tossed it into the waste basket by the professor’s desk. The professor, a middle aged man going gray prematurely, hummed. “Not even going to compare marks?”

“No,” Jason said, picking up his books. “I don’t want a soulmate.”

“Smart man,” he said. “Married life is a mess.”

Jason didn’t respond as he walked out of the room. It was a short fifteen minute walk from his class to his dorm. He struggled getting his keys out of his jeans and so wasn’t paying attention when he nearly ran into the woman standing in front of his door.

Koriand’r. A beautiful woman with bright red hair and a body that made men and women alike weak in the knees with jealousy when they saw Roy and Kori together. She was a truly beautiful woman and Jason had wanted to hate her for being the most important person in Roy’s world. He couldn’t, of course. As beautiful as she was on the outside, Kori was just as beautiful if not more so on the inside.

“Jason,” she said, her accent lilting the words in her charming, unique way. “I am sorry. I was not aware that you had class so late.”

“I picked up a coffee on the way over,” Jason said. He lifted the half empty cup. He lowered it back to his side. “Can I help you?”

Kori’s expression fell. Her hands twisted in front of her. “You have forgotten?”

“Forgotten…” Jason trailed off.

“My Roy told me that you had agreed to join me for a visit to the university gymnasium,” Kori said.

It took Jason too long to remember the conversation he’d had with Roy earlier that week. “Shit. I’m sorry, Kori. Yes, I did forget. Give me one moment to change and then we can go.” As much as he didn’t like the idea of going to a kickboxing lesson or whatever it was that Kori was going to, he had told Roy that he would go.

“If you are quite sure,” Kori said.

“I’m sure,” Jason said. “Just five minutes. I swear.”

Kori smiled again and then nodded, stepping out of his way so that Jason could fumble with his keys and step inside. He threw his books on his bed, promising to put things together when he got back, and changed quickly. Outside, Kori looked as nervous as Jason felt. He wanted this to go right, wanted to find that balance, and it was obvious that she did too.

“You ready?” Jason asked.

“I am ready,” she confirmed.

It was a warm September without making the walk across campus to the university gym viciously uncomfortable. While Jason had been there before he preferred the pool and the martial arts classes in downtown Gotham. During his time at Gotham University, Jason had maybe been the gym once or twice a semester and never for a class.

Jason wasn’t the kind of guy to sign up for a class.

“I am glad that you agreed to come with me,” Kori said. Her voice and presence was surprising to Jason. Despite knowing that she was there, Jason was used to walking alone. If anyone accompanied him, it was Roy’s deeper tones.

Jason nodded. “Yeah, of course. Roy was my best friend. He’s-“

“He is your best friend,” Kori said.

“What?” Jason asked.

“My Roy is still currently your best friend,” Kori said. “That is how he refers to you.”

“Yes, but he’s _your_ Roy,” Jason said, doing his best to hold back the bitterness.

“He is my soulmate,” Kori said.

Jason rubbed the mark on his wrist. “I know.”

“You will find a mate as well,” Kori said.

“I don’t want a mate,” Jason said.

“Roy has mentioned that,” Kori said. “He says that you are…” Her nose wrinkled. “I’m sorry. It was not a word that I was familiar with.”

“Aromantic,” Jason said.

“Yes, that was it,” Kori said. “It means you do not have a soulmate, but you have a mark.”

Jason looked down. The intricate design sort of resembled a bird, if abstract lines varying in thickness and direction could resemble anything at all. He’d never found one that quite matched and for that Jason could only be thankful. “I do have a soulmate. Having a mark means there has to be someone out there, but aromantic means that I won’t love them. Or be in love with them.”

“How do you know?” Kori asked.

“You just know,” Jason said.

“But you have never met your soulmate,” Kori said.

“Trust me,” Jason said. “I know. I’ve wanted to be with people before, wanted to fall in love with them. I never do.”

“They are not your soulmate,” Kori pointed out.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jason said. “I’ve seen people fall in love with people whose marks didn’t match. My mother and father had matching soulmate marks, and he nearly beat her to death. I’ve come to the conclusion that sometimes soulmate marks are wrong.”

Kori’s lips thinned. “Apologies.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jason said. “I barely understand it. I don’t expect anyone else to.”

Kori swiped her card to check into the gym and Jason repeated the action right behind him.

“What kind of class is this anyways?” Jason asked.

“Gymnastics,” Kori said. “I appreciate the improvements to my flexibility.” She motioned across the room to a lean, attractive man. Dark hair and a dimpled smile, he was talking with his hands to a couple of young women. “Richard Grayson. The teacher.”

As if he could hear Kori’s distant introduction, he turned and waved at the redhead beside Jason. Kori smiled and waved back. If not for knowing that Kori and Roy were soulmates and very, _very_ happily together, Jason might have been concerned with how happy the teacher and Kori seemed to be seeing each other.

Richard wrapped her in a warm hug. Kori stepped back. “Hello, Richard.”

“Kori,” Richard said. Jason got the full impact of a pair of warm blue eyes. “And you brought a friend along this time. This isn’t Roy, is it?”

“No,” Jason said. “I’m Roy’s friend. Kori just invited me along to your class. That’s okay, right?”

“Of course,” Richard said. “Kori is a close friend. I dragged her along to the first gymnastics class when I was sure no one else would want to sign up.”

“Of course everyone signed up and now Richard slides me into one of the coveted spots of his classes,” Kori said.

Richard shrugged in a sort of what-can-you-say before holding out his hand. “Dick Grayson.”

“Jason Todd,” he replied. He met the hand and then cursed. It was less a matter of pain and more shocking than anything. On his skin, the black designs of his soulmate mark turned snow white against his darker skin.

Dick pulled back at the same time Jason did and then rubbed his thumb over the pale mark on his skin. Bird shaped, Jason noticed silently.

“You’re my soulmate,” Dick said.

Jason’s heart thumped in his chest, beating against his ribcage in a desperate attempt at escape. The world dimmed at the edges of his eyes and Jason stepped back. “I don’t…”

Dick glanced back at his class. He sighed. “We should talk. Later, though. I have the class and…”

“I understand,” Jason managed. “Take your time.”

Dick flashed him an appreciative smile. Jason felt like an eel. He wanted the time just as much as Dick did, only he wanted time to prepare.

He should be honest with Dick. Tell him from the get go what this was never going to be. The idea of having to tell Dick that his soulmate was never going to love him was eviscerating, though. Everyone deserved to fall in love and Jason couldn’t give Dick that.

The tease of running to Mexico and starting a new life was tempting in that moment.

“I will text Roy at once,” Kori said. “I’m sure he will be thrilled.”

“No!” Jason shouted. Kori startled back at his outburst. “I’m sorry. I just want to tell him myself.”

Her expression softened. “I understand. I am so happy that you decided to come to class with me today.”

Jason barely kept from running out the door.

Over the course of the next hour, Dick Grayson proved to be a very adept teacher. While Jason was quite sure that he would never be able to contort his body the same way Dick did or defy gravity with the same easy rebellion Dick flipped through the air – he did learn something in between his panic.

And Jason was definitely panicking. Although Jason had always been aware of the mark on his wrist and the understanding that it meant that someone out there bore a matching mark, he’d never expected to find them. Finding your soulmate usually took work and effort. Jason had abandoned the search for the so-called love of his life a long time ago. He had tried to fall in love before, wanting to experience it. It would never happen, and Jason had barely met Dick when he realized that he liked the guy. It would be hard to make him feel that way.

When the class was over, Jason wiped the sweat off his brow. He bent down to drink from the water bottle provided, stopping when blue sneakers stepped into his vision. “Jason?”

“Dick,” Jason said.

Dick smiled. “How’d you like the class?”

“You’re a good teacher,” Jason said. “I can see why you have so many eager students.”

“I thought maybe we could have dinner tonight,” Dick said. “Use this as an opportunity to get to know each other? There’s a restaurant downtown. It’ll be my treat.”

Jason swallowed. He should just tell him now. Explain. Aromantic. It wasn’t a hard concept, just a hard adjustment. “I... Yeah, sure.”

It was mutiny of his own tongue.

“Great,” Dick said. “Kori gave me your number. I’ll shoot you a message when I get home with the time and the address.”

“Sure,” Jason said.

“I’m really glad you came today, Jason,” Dick said. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to meet you.”

Snakes twisted in the pit of Jason’s stomach.

“You’re a quiet one, aren’t you?” Dick asked. “Don’t forget, okay? I’ll text you as soon as I get home.”

Jason’s lead heavy tongue refused to cooperate to form words. He just nodded and watched Dick walk away.

~~~

“Thank you for coming to dinner with me,” Dick said.

Jason was tapping the round end of the butter knife against the table. “Yeah, of course.”

“My parents were soulmates. I always looked at how beautiful they were together, how much in love they were,” Dick said. “I always thought the world of that. I always wanted that for myself…”

Without realizing it, Jason shifted his hand and the metal butter knife struck the plate with a sharp sound. Jason dropped the knife at once as a nearby waiter scowled at him. He reached for the glass of water and guzzled half of it down. He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Um, yeah. My parents were soulmates too.”

“Then you get it,” Dick said, smiling at that.

“Not really,” Jason said. “He went to jail a few times for beating her up. She killed herself to get away from him and the rest of the world.” Dick’s grin faded bit by bit. Jason cleared his throat. “Sorry. I didn’t have the best experience with soulmates.”

“No,” Dick said, waving Jason’s apology away. “That’s the experience you had. You have every right to that opinion. I want you to know that I’m not that kind of person. It will be different for us, I’m sure of it.”

Jason finished off the water just like that.

“Do you want to tell me a little about yourself?” Dick prompted.

“I’m a student at Gotham University,” Jason said.

“What’s your major?” Dick asked.

“I’m a pre-law. I double majored. Political Science and Criminology,” Jason said.

Dick hummed. “That’s quite the major. You want to work in law enforcement?”

Jason snorted. “No. Not even a little.”

“So the criminology degree is…” Dick trailed off.

“I plan to study criminal acts committed by law enforcement personnel,” Jason said. “Police brutality, abuse of power, domestic violence, things like that.”

Dick’s eyebrows rose. “Oh. That’s…”

Radical. Crazy. Paranoid.

“Impressive,” Dick said. “You’ve got a hell of a fight ahead of you.”

“I know,” Jason said. “Someone has to fight it though.”

“My parents died when I was eight,” Dick said. “I ended up in the system. You’re right to criticize it, analyze it. I’m glad there’s someone out there doing that.”

“Thanks,” Jason said.

“Tell me more,” Dick said. “I want to know everything about you. You’re my soulmate.”

My soulmate. The words echoed in Jason’s head. He rubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “I grew up in Gotham. I managed to stay out of the system until I was fifteen, then I woke up in the hospital and they threw me into foster care. I worked my ass off for a scholarship and now I’m here.” _I’m aromantic. I’m asexual, Richard. I can’t love you and I never will_.

“You’re strong,” Dick said.

“Tell me about you,” Jason said. The truth was teasing the tip of his tongue. The chance to change the subject was too tempting to pass up. “I’ve spent too long talking about myself.”

“Well, you know I teach different classes at the university gym. My main classes are the gymnastics classes, but I also teach basic fitness and a few intermediate courses. I was born to a couple of circus acrobats who died when I was eight,” Dick said. “After that, the foster system. That’s about it.”

“The circus?” Jason asked.

“Yeah,” Dick said.

“I didn’t think real people joined the circus,” Jason said.

Dick chuckled. “As opposed to fake people?”

Jason’s cheeks warmed. “That sounded a hell of a lot worse out loud than it did in my head.”

“It’s okay. I know what you mean,” Dick said. “It’s the usual reaction I get when I tell people I grew up in a circus.”

“You have to admit, it’s quite outlandish,” Jason said.

“Not when you’re the one who grew up there,” Dick said.

Jason couldn’t fault him on that, and the glass of water changed to a glass of wine and Jason learned the ins and outs of working in a circus. By the end of the evening, Dick put his credit card on the bill on the table and Jason found himself enjoying the remnants of Dick’s cheesecake. The man had offered it when he realized he couldn’t finish it and, surprisingly, it wasn’t too sweet for Jason’s tastes. Dick had good taste, at least in food.

“We should do this again,” Dick said. “I don’t think I’ve had a date I’ve enjoyed quite as much.”

The words sent Jason reeling. Just like that, his ease in the situation had made him forget what Dick was assuming this to be. A date, the precursor to a relationship, the beginning to an inevitable fifty years of happy marriage.

“Text me?” Dick asked. “I’ll send you my work schedule which is basically just the classes I teach. You let me know when you’re available.”

 _Tell him_. “I’ll do that.”

Dick flashed him one of those charming smiles and stood. “You’re also free to come to my classes, if you want.”

“Thank you,” Jason said.

Dick actually seemed like a good guy. He was attractive and sweet. He was funny, usually. There had been more than a few puns that fell short but his determination to make them all anyways was endearing all on its own.

Maybe… with a soulmate… maybe Jason was wrong.

It wouldn’t hurt to go on a few more dates. Try and then, if he still didn’t feel anything, he could tell him then.

~~~

“You fucker,” Dick said, button mashing like a madman. It was far too late and Dick’s character keeled over right before the TV proclaimed loudly Player Two’s victory. Dick swore again as Jason punched in his initials. “You’re too good at this.”

“I like video games,” Jason said.

“So do I,” Dick said. “But you are _killing_ me.”

“I had a lot of time on my hands,” Jason said. “The fosters had one in their house that we could play. A cheap piece of crap that would freeze all the time. When Roy and I moved in together, we bought one together. While he was out with the lady of the week, I would play a hell of a lot of video games.”

“What about you?” Dick asked.

“What _about_ me?” Jason asked, entering his initials and setting the controller aside.

“Roy was dating, but you weren’t?” Dick asked.

Jason shrugged one shoulder. “I was never much of a dater.”

“Any particular reason?” Dick asked.

“Never had the drive to,” Jason said, honestly. “I was never into the dating scene.”

“I wish I could say the same,” Dick said.

As if Jason needed the reminder that he was different. “Did a lot of dating?”

“Chances of finding your soulmate aren’t exactly a hundred percent,” Dick said. Jason knew that. The numbers were closer to the thirty out of every hundred. Not bad odds, per se, but not great odds either. “I didn’t want to hold out on the hopes that I got as lucky as my parents were. So I dated. I fell in love a few times. It didn’t work out but it was an adventure, and I learned what love felt like.”

“Sounds nice,” Jason said.

Dick shrugged. “I wanted a soulmate, dreamed of having a soulmate, but I didn’t want my whole being to live or die on having my soulmate there. People can be happy without a soulmate, so I decided to live my life and let whatever happens… happen. But then the universe brought me you.”

“I’m pretty sure Kori brought me to you,” Jason said. He laughed with a note of unease, hoping that Dick took the bait and let the joke take over. Get them off the subject of soulmates before Jason lost his mind.

Dick chuckled. “That she did, and I should honestly buy her one of those weird food truck things she gets from the corner of Secor and Central to thank her for it.”

“I’m sure she’d appreciate that,” Jason said. “Roy says she has an interesting taste in food.”

“Kori has a unique palate,” Dick said. “Ask her to make you one of Tamaran’s native dishes once. It’s an experience. You want a beer?”

“Yeah, I’ll take a beer,” Jason said. He watched Dick get up and walk into the other room.

It always felt good to be around Dick. He was funny and charming. He was sweet, kind in a way that too few people were. He was the kind of guy to give a stranger the shirt off his back if they asked him. He was perfect. Jason _wanted_ to fall in love with him.

The whisper in the back of his mind asked him to give it a little more time. Maybe this is what falling in love felt like. Jason was hardly the best person to judge the feeling. The best thing to do would be to talk it out. With Dick, ideally, but Jason didn’t have the confidence for that conversation. He sent a message to Roy asking the redhead to come over after Dick left.

Dick came back in and set the beer down beside Jason. “Alright. Show me how you do that, because I’m not giving up until I beat you.”

Jason’s phone went off and he caught Roy’s agreement before he settled on teaching Dick the tricks of the trade.

~~~

“What does love feel like?” Jason asked.

Roy stopped swirling around his tea and looked up. “What?”

“Love. Romantic love,” Jason said. “What does it feel like?”

“It feels…” Roy motioned towards his chest. “It just does.”

“Roy,” Jason pleaded.

The other man dragged a hand through long red hair and then sighed. “I guess it’s warm.”

“Warm?” Jason asked.

“Yeah,” Roy said. “Warm. It fills up your chest when you see them. I mean, when I spend time with Kori all I can think about is how much I love her. I want to kiss her and hold her. She’s holding my heart in her hands and I love how that feels.”

Jason looked down.

“Jason?” Roy asked.

He dragged a hand through his hair. “I feel warm with Dick, but I don’t feel the rest of it. I don’t want to kiss him or hold him. He’s my best friend, you know? Other than you, but it’s different.”

“Different like-“

“Not like love,” Jason said. “Not like what you’re describing, at least. It’s different. I’m not in love with him. I wanted to be.”

“You don’t have any control over it,” Roy said.

“He’s perfect,” Jason said. “If I can’t fall in love with my soulmate, I can’t fall in love at all.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Roy persisted.

“Try telling that to Dick!” Jason snapped. Roy fell silent and Jason… well, Jason felt like the scum on the bottom of someone’s shoe. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“You’re upset. I get it,” Roy said.

“Doesn’t mean I should get to take it out on you,” Jason said.

Roy huffed a laugh. “No, it doesn’t.” He tapped his fingers against his thigh and then asked, “Are you gonna tell him?”

“Soon,” Jason said.

“The longer you put it off…” Roy trailed off.

“The harder it’s going to be,” Jason finished. “I know. I just don’t want to hurt him.”

“Maybe he’ll understand,” Roy said.

“ _I_ barely understand,” Jason said. “How can I expect anyone else to understand?”

“If he cares about you at all, he’ll understand,” Roy said.

That was the kicker though, wasn’t it? If Dick cared, would he stop caring once he realized that Jason couldn’t love him back the same way?

“You look like you could use a drink,” Roy said.

“I didn’t order one because I know you’re trying to avoid it,” Jason said.

Roy’s lips twitched. “I said you looked like you could use one, not that you were going to get one.” Jason rolled his eyes. “I’m kidding. Go on. Order one. Then go home and tell Dick.”

~~~

“Can we talk, Dickie?” Jason asked, watching the man move around the kitchen. He reached up and pulled the bowl down that Dick was looking for.

Dick grinned and took the bowl. “Thank you.”

“Yeah,” Jason said. “Anyways, as I was saying-“

“You need to talk,” Dick interrupted. “That works out well. I want to talk to you too.”

Jason tapped his fingers against the counter. “Oh yeah? You go first.”

Dick turned the fire on low and then turned to face Jason. “I don’t think we talk enough, about us I mean. We spend almost all of our free time together but we don’t talk about it and I know that not communicating with my partners has caused problems in my love life before. I want to do better with you.” He cleared his throat. “I’m falling in love with you, Jason.”

Jason’s heart skipped a beat. “What?”

“I don’t expect you to feel the same already,” Dick said. “But I love you, and I don’t want to hide that and have it cause problems. I want you to know.”

Words fled Jason. He grappled mentally for anything to say in response. Now, now was the time to tell Dick. Now was the time to tell the truth so that Dick could adjust to the reality of it.

Jason didn’t want to hurt him, though. He didn’t want to see Dick’s heart break in his eyes because Dick’s eyes were always so expressive. He wouldn’t hide it, not from Jason who over the course of the past few months had learned to read Dick like an open book.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Dick said.

Jason couldn’t imagine life without Dick, but love and romance was the way Dick expected this to go. It was the way Dick wanted this to go. Jason’s mom had told him once that love was about sacrifice. She’d used it to justify letting Dad beat on her, but Dick wasn’t the kind of guy to beat someone. Maybe Jason’s sacrifice was as simple as letting Dick believe in love.

“I, um…” Jason trailed off.

Dick averted his eyes to the stove, stirring the food. “You said you wanted to talk about something also?”

“I love you too,” Jason said. It wasn’t the first time he’d said them. He’d told his Mom, even his Dad a few times. A couple of drunken nights he’d told Roy how much he loved him. But this time it was a lie, because it meant something else this time.

Dick’s smile came back even brighter than before. “You don’t have to say that just because I did, you know?”

“I know,” Jason said. “But that’s what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to see how you were feeling.”

Dick looked so relieved, and Jason could justify it. He could justify lying because he was confused. Maybe he really _would_ fall in love. Maybe it would just take time. Roy didn’t know everything. This might just be what love felt like for Jason.

He _did_ love Dick, and eventually he would be _in love_ with Dick.

This would work. The universe had given him a soulmate for a reason.

“I love you,” Jason said again.

~~~

“You have to tell him,” Roy said.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Jason said.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Roy said. “You told him that you loved him. You lied.”

“I do love him,” Jason said.

“Not like that,” Roy said.

Jason scoffed. “How would you know what I feel?”

“Because I’ve spent the past three years listening to you tell me how confident you were in your aromanticism. How sure you were that you didn’t need a husband or wife,” Roy said. “You’re not in love with Dick Grayson and you know it, and I know it because I know _you_.”

The worst part of it was knowing that Roy was right. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

“That’s a shit reason to lie to him,” Roy said. “He’d be more hurt if he knew. I’ve seen the two of you together. He cares about you-“

“I know,” Jason snapped. “That’s the entire problem.”

Roy was quiet for a moment and then said softly, “He wouldn’t want you to be miserable pretending to be in love with him.”

“I have a soulmate, Roy. If I wasn’t supposed to fall in love, what was the point? What was the point in any of it?” Jason demanded. “What did my mom suffer so much for? Why did Dick show up despite all of my attempts to avoid finding my soulmate?”

“You used to think it was a mistake,” Roy pointed out.

“Then I met Dick,” Jason said. “And I don’t love him like that, you’re right, but I do love him. We fit together, just not the way he expected us to.”

“Maybe you should try telling him that,” Roy said.

~~~

“You know it’s fucking five in the morning,” Jason said.

“I know,” Dick said, using his keys to unlock the gym. “Suck it up. You can go to sleep when we’re done.”

Jason rolled his eyes, blowing hot breath into his hands until Dick got the door open and he could follow him inside. Without the heat going, the gym was still chilly but not nearly as chilly as the wind blowing outside. The door clicked shut behind them and Dick motioned for Jason to follow him. “What are we doing here?”

“You’ll see,” Dick said.

Spending as much time with Dick as he had been, Jason was in the gym a lot more than he had used to be. Here for Dick’s classes or working out next to the man. Sometimes he just spent hours in the corner working on classwork while Dick took out his frustrations for the day on the rings or the uneven bars.

Sometimes they were like that. Neither of them were big on talking but it was a good feeling to just not be alone with their thoughts.

“We met here,” Dick said.

“I remember,” Jason said. He turned around and looked at the empty machines under the low florescent lights. It was sort of spooky here without the life during the day.

“Jay?” Dick asked from behind him.

Jason sighed and turned, taking a step back when he found Dick down on one knee. “Dick…”

“I know it’s kind of soon but I love you, Jason. I love you and you already told me that you love me. We’re soulmates,” Dick said. “We belong together. I want to make a life with you and I don’t want to waste time waiting for that.”

The world spun, twisting and melting together.

Dick’s expectant smile faded the longer the silence dragged on. He cleared his throat. “Jay?”

Jason swallowed. “Dick, I need to tell you something.”

Dick snapped the box closed, ring hidden. His face smoothed into something expressionless. “Go on.”

“I don’t love you,” Jason whispered.

The pain slipped through. As much as Dick was trying to aim for a poker face, he simply wasn’t any good at it. For a moment it shattered and Jason could see the blood from the knife that Jason had just driven into his heart.

“I love you,” Jason said. “But I’m not in love with you. I will never be in love with you. I’m… There’s something called aromantic. That’s what I am. There are other people like me out there and we just don’t form romantic attachments to people.” He stepped forward and Dick stepped back. “You’re my soulmate. I don’t want to stop being a part of your life. I just can’t be in your life like this.”

Dick closed his eyes. The seconds stretched on filled with nothing but the man’s forced deep breathing. When he spoke, it sounded hoarse. Raw from the emotions he was carefully holding back. “You told me you loved me.”

Jason flinched. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“It doesn’t feel better to find out now!” Dick shouted.

All that empty space made Dick sound so much louder. His voice cut right into Jason’s chest.

“You let me believe that I had a chance,” Dick said. “I have one soulmate, and the universe gives me a liar incapable of _love_.” He whipped the box at Jason. It hit him in the chest and then landed on the ground between his feet. “Keep it. There’s no one else I can give it to.”

Jason clenched his jaw when Dick brushed past him, leaving him alone in the gym. He heard the door slam shut.

A chill ran up his spine, from the cold wind surely, and Jason pulled his coat tighter before he bent down and picked up the box. Opening it proved just as painful as he’d expected. It was beautiful, but Jason hadn’t really expected anything less from Dick. A silver band with a single diagonal of diamonds to break the smooth shining surface – not too ostentatious and not too plain.

Jason loved it, but he was sure that was the point. He pocketed the ring, holding on to that piece of Dick. He gave Dick his space, hoping for the best but being entirely unsurprised when he came home and Dick’s things were cleared out.

~~~

“You’ve reached Dick Grayson. I don’t keep my phone on me at the gym and I live at the gym so you’ve reached me during one of the many hours I can’t pick this up. Leave a message and I’ll try to get back to you. _Beep_.”

Jason hung up the phone without leaving a message. He set it to the side and then laid back against the bed. He had expected this, the moment he’d opened his big mouth and ruined everything. Dick needed a real soulmate, and Jason couldn’t do it. He couldn’t even pretend. He had thought he’d be able to pretend, right up until Dick had proposed and Jason was faced with a lifetime of pretending to feel something he didn’t.

Not even for Dick could Jason give up a part of himself like that.

Maybe Jason had been right all along. The universe had made a mistake.

As much as Jason wanted to believe that, however, he couldn’t. As much as he wanted to act like Dick wasn’t his soulmate he knew that the man really and truly was. In an entirely platonic way, Dick was Jason’s favorite person. Sure, he’d never feel romantic towards him but he could still love him. He could still want to spend time with him.

He wouldn’t get that chance. Dick had learned Jason’s secret and found him an emotionless ass who had lied and strung Dick along. Jason couldn’t even blame him for that.

Jason’s phone went off to alert him it was time to get up. He grabbed his backpack and left the room for class.

~~~

Roy handed slid him the beer and then sucked on the straw of his Coke. “Don’t go crazy, alright?”

“I’m not going to drink my problem away, Roy,” Jason assured him. “I just want to get a little tipsy. Make the sharp edges softer, make it hurt less.”

“I hate to be the one to say it, but I did tell you to tell the truth earlier,” Roy said.

“I know you did,” Jason said, too tired to even manage a bit of irritation at the reminder. “You were right. I knew it then, I just didn’t listen.”

Roy patted Jason’s knee. “Don’t think about it now. It’s over.”

“That’s the problem, isn’t it? It’s over,” Jason said. He sipped from the bottle. “I have a soulmate and I won’t ever be near him.”

“You’re not the first person not to get their soulmate,” Roy said.

Jason scoffed. “Because they haven’t found them, not because they found them and then rejected them.”

“There’s a first time for everything,” Roy said.

“I miss him,” Jason said.

“I’m sorry,” Roy said.

Jason took a bigger swallow of the beer and then replied, “Not as sorry as I am.”

~~~

“Keep your legs together, Donna,” Dick said.

Roy walked across the mats and crossed his arms over his chest.

Dick clapped his hand. “Again.” Roy’s presence must have registered somewhere in the back of Dick’s mind because eventually he turned. “Can I help you?”

“Dick Grayson?” Roy asked.

“Roy Harper,” Dick said. Roy arched an eyebrow. “We’ve met in passing a few times and you’re on Kori’s Instagram.”

Of course. “I’m also Jason Todd’s best friend.”

Dick’s face smoothed out. “I’m kind of busy right now.”

“You’re always busy,” Roy said. “I checked your schedule. I figured there was no better time than the present.”

“I don’t want to talk about Jason,” Dick said.

“That’s real tough,” Roy said. “Because Jason is my best friend.”

“I thought he was the love of my life,” Dick said sharply. “I was wrong. Maybe you’re wrong too.”

Roy took a step forward. “You don’t get to insult Jason like that. Maybe Jason isn’t in love with you, but he does love you. He’s your soulmate, and he deserves better than for you to treat him like he’s incapable of love.”

“Those were his words,” Dick muttered.

“He’s incapable of being in love,” Roy corrected. “He doesn’t do romance. He doesn’t do marriage and sex and kids. Before you he was happy the way he was, now he feels like a failure.” There was a twitch to Dick’s eyes and Roy pounced on it. “When Kori is hurting, it kills me. She’s my whole world. I love her, I’m in love with her, but if she couldn’t love me back I would just love her differently. She’s my one true love, but she’s also my friend and my partner. Are you honestly telling me that you can only love Jason your way? That the only way you loved him was romantically?”

Dick looked away. “I proposed to him.”

“He should have told you earlier,” Roy agreed. “But I would like to know how you’ve managed to be perfect for so long. Never let anyone down?”

“I didn’t say that,” Dick said.

“You didn’t have to,” Roy said. “You implied it when you kicked him to the curb for it.”

“I didn’t-“

“You did,” Roy said.

Dick’s lips thinned, clearly not appreciative of being interrupted. “I love him.”

“He loves you,” Roy said instantly.

“I always thought soulmate were…” Dick trailed off and motioned to Roy. “Like you and Kori.”

Roy shrugged. “Jason thought he might never have one at all. He adapted, you need to adapt too.”

Dick dragged his hand through his hair. “I hurt him.”

“And he hurt you by lying,” Roy said. “Relationships aren’t easy. I had to learn that lesson with Kori.”

Dick’s lips quirked. “So I’ve heard.”

“Fix things with Jason,” Roy said. “That’s my best friend. He deserves to have a good soulmate.”

Dick nodded. “After this class.”

“He’s in class all day,” Roy reminded him.

Dick’s lips cracked into a grin. “Yeah, I know.”

~~~

“…further studies of the case of Edward Nygma prove that the _cockiness_ of serial killers can often enough be their downfall. Take, for example, the elaborate riddle that got him caught in Goth-“

The classroom door slammed open hard enough to interrupt the lecture and Jason did a double take when he found Dick standing just inside the classroom.

“Apologies, Professor Wayne,” Dick said. “This should only take a moment.”

The dark haired man at the front of the lecture hall sighed and then motioned for Dick to go on. “Quickly, please. I have a lesson plan to adhere to.”

Dick saluted and then looked over the lecture hall. His eyes stopped when they fell on Jason and he jogged to the stairs, running up to Jason’s level by taking them two at a time. He stopped on the stairs next to Jason’s row of seating.

Someone next to Jason fluttered their hand. “Dear God, I hope he’s here for me.”

Jason curled his hand into a fist, rubbing his thumb against the silver band around his finger. “Dick?”

“I love you,” Dick said.

Jason flinched. “Dick, I told you-“

“I know,” Dick said. “You don’t love me back, not like that. But I don’t love you just like that either. Romance is great, Jason, and if you loved me that way then I would dive headfirst into that with you. That’s not the only way I love you. You’re my best friend, Jason. You’re my best friend and my partner and that doesn’t have to mean anything other than what it says. I would rather spend time with you than anyone else. That’s what being a soulmate is. It’s not about marriage or romance. It’s about wanting to share life with someone else.”

Jason swallowed the lump in his throat. “I don’t want you to have to settle.”

“It’s not settling,” Dick said. “It took a lot of time and some help from Roy to realize it, but it’s not settling. There’s nothing inherently less about this sort of love.” He stepped behind the row of chairs and took one knee. Jason’s hand was on his lap and then Dick took it and touched the ring. “This doesn’t have to mean marriage and romance. It’s just a promise. It just means that you’re my soulmate. I don’t want anything but what you feel like giving me.”

Jason was silent.

This time, Dick’s smile only widened. “This is the second time you’ve been silent while I was on one knee.”

“Yes,” Jason said. “This. This is what I want. If you’re sure-“

“I’m sure,” Dick said.

A sharp snap of the ruler against the chalkboard had Jason, Dick, and the rest of the criminology class looking forward toward Professor Wayne. “If that’s the case, I’d like to get back to my lesson plan.”

Dick straightened, letting go of Jason’s hand. “Thanks for your time, Professor.”

Wayne only pursed his lips and pointed the ruler towards the door.

“After class?” Jason asked.

Dick nodded. “After class.”

Jason grinned and watched Dick jog back out of the classroom.

“Congratulations, Mr. Todd,” Professor Wayne said. “That being said, if I could direct all of your attentions back to your text book. Edward Nygma…”

Jason grinned and tapped his fingers against the text book. Not broken after all.


End file.
